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About Me Member Deviant of Many Talents Anna33/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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My Utopia

Wed Nov 25, 2009, 9:05 PM
  • Mood: Movingon
  • Listening to: The Dive by Centerpointe Research
  • Reading: Nietzche, Genealogy of Morals
  • Watching: My Children grow
  • Playing: the game of Life
  • Drinking: water
Ok, so it can be so totally annoying to some people to read constantly wonderful things about my Life. But I have to say, from where I've come to where I am, Life is good. The god is good to me and I am trying to be a good person and do good things for myself, my family and humanity.

This time of year has always been so very difficult for me. I know a lot of soldiers who have returned from Iraq with severe PTSD. I have never been to war in a foreign country, but I fought for most of my life a war that left me just as battle scarred as a soldier.

Only in my late 20's and now in my 30's am I able to live my life. Before these last two years, someone else was in control of my life. Now I am in control, at least taking control. For the first time, I was in the kitchen cooking for tomorrow, and I did not have a panic attack. My children and I made a nice dessert to take to my friends house tomorrow together and I enjoyed it. The holidays have always been so hard for me. From mid October to about the first of the year, I am a mess. But not this year. I did have to go see my Dr for help this year because it was starting off really bad. And I was determined not to allow this to control me anymore. So he gave me something for my anxiety. It is really helping a lot so far.

I hate that I have to have help to make it through the holidays. It should be a special time of year, but it's not. When I was a child, I was able to hide for hours, all day usually, out in the woods behind my house in the spring, summer and part of the fall. I learned at a very early age what out of sight, out of mind meant. I tried very hard to stay invisible, but Michigan winters are no joke (at least not when I was a kid. I do not know what they are like now), and I had to spend a lot more time in the house around my father during the late fall and winter months.

I can recall very clearly hiding outside in the middle of winter in the woodpile, covered by a tarp, praying that I would just die in the cold. I wanted to die. I would have rather died then to go in that house and let him touch me again.

So yeah, this time is so very difficult for me, but I am working on it. He does not have that power over me any longer. I have a beautiful family, wonderful friends, a support system that I wish everyone could have, and some belief in myself that I am not sure where it came from, but I sure am not going to question it. I am truly blessed. I am so thankful for it all. All of it. The good and the bad. I would never have known what good was if I had not experienced the bad. I feel like I have only just begun to live my life. Like I have been asleep all these years. Or is it I was in a cocoon and have transformed into a butterfly who has finally spread her wings?

Some wars are fought by the littlest warriors.
These little warriors suffer long after the battle is done.
I was a little warrior.
I will suffer no longer.
The war is over and I have won.

Twila Paris sang a song years ago called "The Warrior is a Child" and while I am not a Christian by any stretch of the imagination, her words qualify for my battle cry.

I love you.
Pass it on.

deviantID

I am Anna. I am nothing, yet I am everything....

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Lawton, Oklahoma
  • Interests: Children, Animals, Angels, Spirituality
  • Favourite band or musician: Linkin Park, Vanessa Mae
  • Favourite artist: Too Many to name
  • Favourite poet or writer: Charles Best, Alfred Tennison
  • Favourite photographer: Anyone who can tell a story in the speed of their shutter
  • Favourite style of art: Conceptual, photo manipulations,Photography
  • Operating System: windows XP
  • MP3 player of choice: Phillips
  • Shell of choice: unbreakable
  • Wallpaper of choice: black
  • Skin of choice: kinda partial to the one i have on...BUT will trade if the price is right..
  • Favourite game: Life
  • Favourite gaming platform: hmmmm
  • Favourite cartoon character: Daffy Duck
  • Tools of the Trade: My Elph, PSP9, Pencils and Patience

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Comments


:iconlizann:
Thanks for the :+fav:. =)
:iconphotonig:
Thanks a lot for the fave, Anna.

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cake or death?
:iconblssdpoet:
No problem! That was cute!!

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Love is a flame....It burns away all that is not pure.
:iconstorm056414:
Thank you for the fave~! :iconjoyplz:

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Love: it's a verb.
:iconhyta:
Thanks for the fav :hug:
:iconstorm056414:
Moar flowerz plz?!

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Love: it's a verb.
:iconblssdpoet:
lol, i'll get to it!!

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Love is a flame....It burns away all that is not pure.
:iconstorm056414:
U betta~!

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Love: it's a verb.
:icondavincipoppalag:
=D thanks for the faves@! =D

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SAVE THE HOUSEBOAT! [link]
:icontammysue:
YOU'VE BEEN HUGGED

NOW WHAT?!

Spread the DA love around! (you can copy and paste this message on their userpage!)

RULES:
1- You can hug the person who hugged you!
2- You -MUST- hug 6 other people, at least!
3- You should hug them in public! Paste it on their user page!
4- Random hugs are perfectly okay! (and sweet)
5- You should most definitely get started hugging right away!

Send This To All Your Friends, And Me If I Am 1.
If You Get 7 Back You Are Loved!

1-3 you're a bad friend
4-6 you're an ok friend
7-9 you're a good friend
10-& Up you're a great friend

--
you wont remember my name, til it's written in stone.:tombstone:

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